I knew that it would be a New Year's Eve I would never forget; I just thought it would go a whole lot differently. It was supposed to be a night of drinking and partying, not death and pain.

The last day of 2004 started like every other day for me. I was curled up in my bed sleeping as late as possible, when there was a knock at the door. I mumbled "come in," thinking it was probably my sister, Courtney, or friend, Sarah to wake me up to go play in the snow. To my surprise it was my step-dad, Danny (we were not close, so he never woke me unless it was really important). He told me that, though I was 21, he did not want me out on the roads that evening. I could drink at home, but I was not to leave the house. I retorted with something to the affect that I was an adult, and he could not tell me what to do. What he said next will forever stick out in my mind. "Shana, I will do everything in my power to keep you home tonight." Then he walked out, and went to work.

Throughout the day, Sarah and I tried to figure out what we wanted to do, that did not involve going out. Finally we decided we would just get alcohol and snacks, and come back home. My mom was making enchiladas, so I was looking forward to a good night.

About 5:00 that evening, my boyfriend at the time, showed up unexpectedly. He barged through the front door and went straight to the kitchen where my mom was cooking.

"I am so sorry about Danny," he said.

"What are you talking about?" she responded, her voice breaking up.

"Oh, I thought you knew. He was in Auto Zone this afternoon and collapsed. I don't think he made it."

The next 30 minutes were a blur. Phone calls were made to hospitals, and when we could not find record of him there, we called the coroner's office. It was then that we had to accept the inevitable; my step-dad was gone.

I went into a numb state, everything went dark, and my mind started racing. There is no way this is happening. Dad was fine this morning. He is only 49. I didn't tell him good-bye.

Time seemed to stop and go faster all at the same time. There was still things going on around me, but I was paralyzed in time. Phone calls to family members were made, people started showing up, and I just sat there. It was then the "fight or flight" mode went into effect. I wanted to runaway from everything. I wanted to go somewhere where I could just cry or talk to someone about everything. I knew I could not do that in my own house, because it was about my mom losing her husband.

Since my mom was so preoccupied with everything, it was easy to slip out of my house, unnoticed. I went for a drive to a friends house, where I spilled out every feeling I had, how I loved this guy, and I wished I had gotten a chance to tell him. I cried and talked for hours, until I didn't think there was anything left inside of me. Then I drove home.

It was during the 20 minute ride home that it hit me that he had followed through with what he had said that morning. "Shana, I will do everything in my power to keep you home tonight." And it was then for the first time in the 9 years that he was with my mom that I allowed myself to feel real love. I knew from then on out I would be a better person because of him.